The holiday season is filled with memories and traditions that can be especially challenging for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. While festive celebrations surround us, someone who is mourning may still feel isolated or overwhelmed. If you have a friend or family member who is grieving, here are some thoughtful ways to interact with and support them during this tender time.
What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving
Knowing what to say can feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some phrases that convey compassion and support:
- “I’m thinking about you.” Simple yet heartfelt, this lets them know you care.
- “How are you doing today?” Asking about the present moment feels less overwhelming than a broad question like “How are you?”
- “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.” Offering a listening ear shows you’re available without pushing them to share. Remembering can be healing.
- “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.” Validating their emotions can help them feel seen and understood.
What Not to Say
Certain well-meaning statements can unintentionally hurt someone who is grieving. Avoid the following:
- “They’re in a better place now.” While intended to comfort, it may minimize their loss.
- “At least they lived a long life.” Length of life doesn’t lessen the pain of missing someone.
- “You need to be strong for [other family members].” Grieving is a personal process expressed and worked through individually, and advice like this may feel overwhelming.
- “I know exactly how you feel.” Everyone experiences grief differently, and this phrase can feel dismissive.
What to Do
Actions often speak louder than words, and small gestures can make a big difference. Consider these ways to offer support:
- Check in regularly. A quick call or text to let them know you’re thinking of them can mean the world.
- Offer specific help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer something concrete, like “Can I bring over dinner on Thursday or Saturday?” or “Would you like me to help with holiday decorations?”
- Be present. Spend time with them, even if it’s just sitting together in silence. Your presence can be a great comfort.
- Attend holiday events thoughtfully. If they invite you to a holiday event or memorial for their loved one, show up and support them. And don’t neglect to invite them to other events even if they’re prone to decline. Even the offer of inclusion can lessen feelings of loneliness.
What to Bring
If you’d like to bring a thoughtful gift or gesture, here are a few ideas:
- Comfort items. A cozy blanket, candles, or a journal can provide comfort.
- Prepared meals. Grieving can be exhausting, and having meals ready to heat can be a great relief.
- Holiday remembrance. Consider giving a small memorial ornament or candle they can use to honor their loved one. Another thoughtful option is an Our Tributes Memorial Plaque with an online tribute page. You can preload the online page with pictures and memories for an especially meaningful gift.
- Your time. Offering your help with errands, chores, or holiday prep can be invaluable.
Special Considerations for the Holidays
Holiday traditions can bring up painful reminders of loss. Here’s how you can help:
- Ask about their traditions. Invite them to share stories or memories if they’re comfortable.
- Create new traditions. Offer to help them build new holiday rituals that honor their loved one.
- Respect their wishes. Some people may want to participate in holiday activities, while others prefer to skip them. Let them take the lead.
Grief doesn’t take a holiday, but your kindness and understanding can make the season a little easier for someone who is mourning. By listening, offering support, and being sensitive to their needs, you can help them feel less alone. Remember, it’s not about fixing their grief but walking alongside them as they navigate it.
